![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Monday letters
Aug. 6th, 2007 12:13 pmDear right knee,
You suck. No, seriously, you totally do. I've been doing my best, and I really don't appreciate your attitude. If it ever becomes possible to replace body parts with bionic alternatives, you will be the first piece of me to go.
No love,
me.
***
Dear Dr. Hotshot,
Why is it so difficult to schedule an appointment with you? What if this was an emergency? What, are you so busy with your NBA stars and your radio show that you don't have time for little ol' me?
On second thought, don't answer that.
love,
me.
PS - If you could maybe reschedule your vacation from the first to the third week of October, you'd be doing me a huge favor.
***
Dear Dr. Hotshot's receptionist,
That thing about me living in Massachusetts? I actually live in Massachusetts all the time. As in, every day. So when I say that it's difficult for me to make an early morning appointment in New York, I don't just mean that one time, I mean all the time. It takes 4.5 hours for me to get from my door to yours, lady, and that's if I'm lucky. Our conversations would go a lot faster if you just took it as a given that I cannot get to your office before 1pm.
sincerely,
me.
***
Dear laundry,
Is there any chance you could maybe wash yourself? Just this once? I promise I'd never ask again. It's just that I'm running dangerously low on underwear, and I'm really not in the mood to deal with you today.
love,
me.
You suck. No, seriously, you totally do. I've been doing my best, and I really don't appreciate your attitude. If it ever becomes possible to replace body parts with bionic alternatives, you will be the first piece of me to go.
No love,
me.
***
Dear Dr. Hotshot,
Why is it so difficult to schedule an appointment with you? What if this was an emergency? What, are you so busy with your NBA stars and your radio show that you don't have time for little ol' me?
On second thought, don't answer that.
love,
me.
PS - If you could maybe reschedule your vacation from the first to the third week of October, you'd be doing me a huge favor.
***
Dear Dr. Hotshot's receptionist,
That thing about me living in Massachusetts? I actually live in Massachusetts all the time. As in, every day. So when I say that it's difficult for me to make an early morning appointment in New York, I don't just mean that one time, I mean all the time. It takes 4.5 hours for me to get from my door to yours, lady, and that's if I'm lucky. Our conversations would go a lot faster if you just took it as a given that I cannot get to your office before 1pm.
sincerely,
me.
***
Dear laundry,
Is there any chance you could maybe wash yourself? Just this once? I promise I'd never ask again. It's just that I'm running dangerously low on underwear, and I'm really not in the mood to deal with you today.
love,
me.
